Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Help me out!

Ok so I wrote this for no real reason. I threw in a lot of things about me and things I like. Something just seems wrong. Repetitive and rambling? To much use of the word rain? Its just horribly written and can't be saved? I can’t figure it out, so if you can it would be greatly appreciated!

Kathleen sat peacefully on the front porch swing, her bare feet pushing on the ground causing her to gently glide back and fourth. She took a deep breath of fresh air as she watched the huge raindrops fall from the stormy sky and form puddles on the sidewalk.

Days like this were Kathleen’s favorite, they reminded her of her home in Ireland. Rain came almost everyday there, but here in Texas it rained far to little in her way of thinking.

It had been a long day and Kathleen was grateful for this momentary escape. Her body ached from hours of dancing and the comfort the rain brought helped keep her mind off her pain.

Thanks guys!

2 Delightful Musings:

Judi said...

Honestly, I thought it was pretty good..the only thing I caught was "back and fourth" it's supposed to be forth..
I actually liked it though..I think you're really good at describing scenes and what everything looks like...
I actually envy that...I'm not real good at it *shudders* It's my main weak point in writing...

The_Ballerina said...

Thank you Judi! I've never been good at writing, I'm glad it wasn't as bad as I thought it was! lol